Last night I had a dream that I was climbing a Mountain. I was trudging up a steep slope with dense tree coverage and beautiful green foliage all over the damp and muddy ground. The entire time I was climbing my excitement and anxiety grew as a I felt myself getting closer and closer to the top. When I took my final step onto what would have been the summit of the mountain, instead of stepping onto the solid ground and experiencing the view that I was expecting, I stepped into empty space and suddenly dropped down into an epic free fall. Instead of being afraid I felt free and enthralled. And then I woke up.
I think this dream is pretty representative of my journey thus far since my acceptance into the Fulbright Malaysia ETA program. The slow lonely trudge up the mountain was the year I spent refining my application, waiting for an acceptance or rejection, worrying, preparing, and packing after my acceptance, and waiting to come to Malaysia. And then suddenly, after what seems like forever, I arrived and my flight to Malaysia and first day in orientation in KL has been more of a free fall than a calming surveillance of the lay of the land. I have met over a 100 people, including members of my ETA cohort or MACEE (Malaysian American Commission on Educational Exchange) staff, who provided us with the grant and support all the ETAs throughout our year. The first day of orientation was packed full of information about who and what to know in general about the program, dos and don’ts while in our placements, regulations about outside travel, and tips on living as an ETA from the coordinators—former ETAs who have stayed on as employees of MACEE from the previous cohort. I will be in KL for just over two weeks for orientation before I move to my state where I will be living and working for the following nine months. It is so amazing to me that I will spend the majority of 2017 on the other side of the globe from my home, friends, and family.
Day one of orientation was interesting because of how broad all the information has been. We will not learn our placements or roommates until next week (so please don’t ask). Because of this the answer to many questions (almost every question that kept me up at night during the weeks just before I left for KL) has been “it depends on your placement”. This was both wildly frustrating and amusing and indicative of the amazing cultural diversity of this country. I am more grateful to the MACEE staff for holding off on telling us our placements until next week than I thought I would/could be. This decision has forced me to try to get to know everyone in my cohort because anyone could be the person(s) I live with. It has helped me to stay present in my short time in Kuala Lumpur and to focus on getting to know this city (and country in general) before I dive into specific things about my placement. While I still agonize over whether or not I will be allowed to wear pants for the next year of my life, I can’t help but to just be grateful for the experience to travel so far, learn so much, eat great food, and get to know the amazing group of diverse, intelligent, brave, and fun people who make up the 2017 Fulbright Malaysia ETA Cohort.
I am already falling in love with Kuala Lumpur. While we have not been able to see much of the city beyond a couple of miles around the hotel we are staying in, I am already in awe of how culturally and architecturally diverse and interesting this city is. On the hour long bus drive to KL from the airport my face was practically glued to the window as I observed the contrast between the simple tin roof structures we passed and the elaborate sky scrapers towering above them. The area of town where we are staying is definitely more upscale than I expected. We are in a hotel near Pavilion Mall, a massive shopping center holding high-end stores and what seems like endless restaurants. Walking around earlier today I was shocked by the amount of Starbucks and 711's there are in this area. (I guess westernization really has no bounds). There are tons of really unique places to shop and eat, ranging from classic Malay to Italian fusion. My goal for the first week is to not eat at the same restaurant or have the same dish or drink twice! This honestly won't be very hard or expensive to do! I have eaten out for dinner both yesterday and today and have only spent about $10!!
One of the major points of my anxiety about this trip (beyond being somewhere so new and so far) was a nagging feeling that I was going to less equipped to handle this experience than everyone else in my cohort. I expected to feel completely inadequate compared to everyone else. Honestly, I did not prepare that much before coming. Sure I made some note cards for basic greetings and phrases in Bahasa Malaysia, did some research about Malaysian culture, geography, and politics, and did my best to regularly check popular Malaysian media sites. But I felt like I was really doing the bare minimum of work to get to know a country I was (and still am) pretty ignorant about. I was so afraid that everyone else in my cohort was not only going to be better prepared than me but that they were all together going to have a better reason for choosing Malaysia and be more experienced in teaching.
Since we have arrived I have made an effort to talk to a lot of different people in my cohort in order to get a feel for the group and find people I really click with. I have found that a lot of people I have spoken to are in the same boat as I am and even chose Malaysia for similar reasons (interest in the region coupled with a desire to go somewhere diverse and beautiful and developing). While the first few days have been a whirlwind and I certainly feel like I have been dropped into a fast-paced free fall, so much of my anxiety has dissipated even though most of the answers to the major questions I have about my experience won’t be covered until the in-state orientation. This free fall into a new space and place with all these new people has been more calming than any uber-detailed orientation package/ presentation could ever be because I finally am surrounded by everyone in the same boat as I am. We all came here together (almost everyone was on the same two flights from Hong Kong to KL) and none of us knows what to expect about the coming year. And though we might have climbed up the mountain by ourselves, at least now there are 99 other people beside me, holding my hands, as we free fall together into the unfamiliar territory below.
#IBelieveYouCanFly
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