Strange Bird and Malu Malu Kuching (Shy Shy Cat): Reflections After Two Weeks in My School

The other day I had a student ask me for a lock of my hair. Like literally. She wanted me to pull out a strand of my hair and give it to her. I joked with her that if gave her some of my hair then she would have to give me some of hers, thinking that she would see how strange it was and that it would end the conversation. 

This one is crazy” I said to her friend who was sitting next to me, laughing lightly. 

“No no teacher please! Just a small small piece”, she begged as she reached under her tudong (headscarf) and pulled out a strand of her own hair to give to me.  

I panicked for a second because I was like totally unprepared in this situation. (Orientation had taught us how to reject marriage offers but not what to do when a student begs for a piece of your hair as a keepsake.)  

“No no!” I said, “It will hurt too much”, as I frowned in an exaggerated manner and patted  my head as if just the thought made my scalp sore. 

She looked extremely disappointed but dropped it (for now at least). 

This is the same student who has asked, at least three times now, if she can touch my hair. Which I always oblige because I recognize she probably has had very little if any contact with black people and I honestly don’t mind if she lightly grazes the back of my fro from time to time (always with my permission first). She is not the only student who has made the request in the two weeks I have been in my school. The students always ask politely, touch gently, giggle, and compliment me so it is all around a good experience: they get to see what black hair feels like, and I get a little ego boost.  

During orientation I felt seriously self conscious about going to my school as a black woman ( I know many POCs felt a bit weary about it as well). The discussion always centered around having to combat the idea that, for a  person from outside of the United States, an American person is a blond-haired, blue-eyed, white person. (But honestly this is not just an international problem, the idea that white culture is true American culture is a misguided belief that permeates American thought as well.) But honestly, I haven't really felt any disappointment or disinterest from my students or teachers because I am a black woman with natural hair. Though the experience with the girl wanting a lock of my hair made me realize that I must be even more of a strange bird for my students than the two white ETAs before me.  

Whenever I am at my school the normal interactions I have from students range from totally unashamed staring, enthusiastic or extremely timid  shouts of “hi teacher!” followed by a fit of giggles (and sometimes scurrying away as fast as possible), to questions and conversations about where I am from, if I am married (LOL), and how I find the Malaysian heat and food. The longer the conversation the bolder the student, and the more confident they feel with their English language skills. While I love talking and actually interacting with students my favorite interactions have been with the kids who are too shy to do anything more than simply stare at me. They are normally the younger students, form 1 and 2, who are small and if I say hello to them they look extremely embarrassed/shocked/mortified as if they can’t believe I noticed them looking at me for five minutes straight. Normally I will laugh and say they “are too malu malu” and they will smile because my small use of a simple BM vocal word I learned at orientation. There is one girl, who I think is in Form 1, whose name I do not know because she literally refuses to speak to me and will whisper in the ears of her friends if she is near enough to me that I would be able to hear her voice. She is the epitome of a “malu malu” student. If I am sitting with students playing bananagrams or UNO she will come and sit in the outside circle around the group playing the game (the circle of students who are extremely curious but way too nervous to join in) directly across from me and just stare unabashedly. If I stare back she giggles and hides her face in her tudong, if I talk to her she will jump up and run away, then slink back after a few minutes in hopes I don’t notice her return. Which I always do. 

I like the shy but curious students because they present a challenge to me. I know they want to talk to me but they don’t have the confidence yet (though most of them do have the vocabulary). Building these student’s confidence enough to at least greet me and answer “how are you” will be the type of small victory that will make my time here truly meaningful. The US Embassy reps tell us we are here as bastions of American diplomacy as tangible representations of positive American culture and values, The Malaysian Department of Education reps tell us we are here to increase English language skill so that our schools score higher on standardized testing, the Malaysia American Commission on Education Exchange reps tell us we are here to expose Malaysian youth to native English speakers. While that all is true to some degree, the real reason I chose this program, the way I will feel like a made a positive impact, lies in how I am able to boost the confidence of both my students and my fellow teachers in their ability to communicate effectively across race and cultural lines while using the English language. If I can come away from my time as an ETA in Malaysia saying that  my students feel more confident in themselves than before, then I will consider myself successful—and hopefully I will make all the different commissions and organizations that are I technically work for happy along the way.  

**Notes on the phrase "malu malu kuching"** This is a term that means "shy shy cat" in Bahasa Malaysia (BM) that we learned at orientation. I quickly learned during the first few days at my school that no one actually says it and instead will just say "malu malu" which just means "shy shy". For instance ,if a student is not speaking to me or just giggles when I say something to them one of their friends might say, "Teacher, this one is shy shy".  This is a harmless (and kind of adorable) example of the confusion and mistakes that happen when trying to learn a different language. A native English speaker would never say someone is "shy shy" but a Malaysian student will look very confused if you say someone is "malu" when trying to describe them as timid, the phrase is "shy" and "malu malu" for English and BM respectively.